User talk:Artadcock
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Sam's Cabin page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 00:45, November 27, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:10, November 27, 2018 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted because it failed to meet our quality standards due to a large amount punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues. Please note the version I am using is the latest version of your story that you edited. Formatting: Starting with minor issues (i.e. that had no impact on the story's deletion, but are still essential for editing/posting) first that can cause large issues. The formatting of your story needs work as you have line breaks randomly throughout the story so it looks like this in editor mode: :A weekend at the grandparent’s house. It’s usually a fun ritual for most kids. :However, there are certain factors that make it less fun. Number one, first :off, is that I wasn’t going to my grandparent’s House, I was spending the Capitalization issues: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize words mid-sentence that are not proper nouns. "Number one, first off, is that I wasn’t going to my grandparent’s House (house)", "My Mom (mom) is still in her thirties.", "Her Mother (mother), my grandmother, is still in her fifties.", “Come inside and Make (make) yourselves at home.”, etc. Punctuation issues: A majority of your dialogue is improperly punctuated. "“Dinner’s at six, so don’t spoil your appetites, I'm off to do some work in the office. Don't go too far.(,)" Sam said", "“You say that to everything I suggest.(,)” John snapped", "“Let’s go to the tree house.(,)” Ben suggested.", etc. Basically, you should never use a period at the end of dialogue unless it's the end of the sentence and there's no dialogue tag after it. You also forget to properly punctuate sentences. "Sam really creeped her out(.)" and "He kept yelling(,/: missing) “'YOU ARE' NOT MY FAMILY'” over and over again." in particular. Wording: Awkward/clunky wording: "I know I should feel lucky, most kids never even had a great grandfather.", "Sadly, the mother-line stops there because my great grandmother died of cancer five years back.", Wording issues cont.: "He was an (a) nut for the outdoors.", "In the bushes,(space needed)John's mutilated corpse was sitting in the bushes (also redundant)." Story issues: A lot of your story needs revision as you tell the audience a lot of times when you should be demonstrating it organically through the character's actions and behavior. "He had some anger issues in the past, but seemed to have gotten over them recently.", "He didn’t own a phone, and regarded most technology with scorn.", and "Daniel, was annoying, as all five year olds are." are good examples of areas that would be better demonstrated through their actions rather than the narrator explaining them to the audience. Story issues cont.: A lot of your description also feels pretty lacking due to ineffective descriptors and glossing over points. "The second thing I noticed was Collin, using a blood-stained knife to hack off Ben’s foot. After it came off, he stabbed it repeatedly." and "We stayed at the tree house for hours, then got ready to go back when we thought it was close to dinnertime" are both scenarios where it'd pay to go into detail. Use the treehouse scene to build up the horrors that are about to happen. Use the killer's brutality to showcase how far off the deep-end they've gone. Story issues cont.: Additionally you really need to spend a lot more time building up these character traits if you're looking to develop these people in the story. "He didn't mind blowing off heads in any video game in the slightest. I miss that about him." and "Collin came from an abusive home. A ''really abusive home. Human trafficking does not leave one untouched. It had haunted him, it made him angry and unstable." The 'explanation' for Collin's attacks feels like a throw-away line that doesn't really do much in the story or give the audience any real sense of how this impacted him. How was Collin a victim of human trafficking? How did that impact him? ETC. Story issues conclusion: There were other issues, but I think this is enough for a starting point. The last piece of advice I'd like to leave you with is that the ending felt really rushed and needs quite a lot of revision. ("That was too much, and I blacked out. I lost my family that day.") I'm sorry, but there's quite a lot of work that's needed here and a lot of it happens in the plot (meaning heavy revision/re-writing). I wish you the best of luck with your writing and would like to recommend the writer's workshop as they are likely to help you catch errors you've overlooked and tropes that need to be reinforced or improved on to make the story more engaging/immersive. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:46, November 27, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:41, November 28, 2018 (UTC) Notice In regards to your article page post, yes. We will delete what you post if it fails to meet our quality standards (especially if it fails to correct the issues that were pointed out above). On another note, that page you just uploaded was spam, posting another will result in a lengthy ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:45, November 28, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:59, November 28, 2018 (UTC)